


If you'll have me, I am yours.

by StarQueen27548



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:14:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28778109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarQueen27548/pseuds/StarQueen27548
Summary: After the shark attack, Toni can't sleep and neither does Shelby. Too many doubts are inside Toni's head, and it's time for Shelby to clear them all out. Shoni speaking briefly about their future.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 6
Kudos: 91





	If you'll have me, I am yours.

**Author's Note:**

> Let's pretend that nobody died in the shark attack, which seems the most obvious outcome for Martha or Nora.

Toni could swear that Rachel’s screams were still in the air, even though it had been hours since she fell asleep thanks to many pills and the shock of being attacked by a shark. She thinks she will hear those screams forever.

Everybody’s sleeping, but she just can’t. She’s too anxious, too nervous. Everything is so surreal, and she isn’t sure of anything anymore.

She knows that sometimes, when she’s anxious, even her thoughts are too loud. So not to wake anybody up, she gets up and goes to a little hill nearby. Close enough to watch them all, but far enough for not waking them up with her fast breathing, growls or sudden movements.

There’s a deafening silence surrounding the night, more than usual. Still she can’t get Rachel’s screams out of her mind. That’s all she hears. 

After the attack they had been trying to stop the bleeding, trying that Rachel didn’t lose too much blood and died. Shelby and she haven't have enough time to talk or even to look at each other. Everything has been so frantic, carrying water, boiling water, keeping pressure over what once was her hand, trying to make it stop bleeding.

Shelby… Suddenly thinking of her is making the screams less loud. For the first time in the night she’s able to hear the waves crashing against the shore. The wind through the thin grass that’s surrounding her. For the first time in the night her mind empties, only to be replaced with a sense of uncertainty and loneliness.

Shelby doesn’t want her. Why would her? She’s only slept with her because she’s literally the last woman on earth to do so. Her chance to try something new, to be with a girl in this fantasy pause they are having. After they come back, and she is sure that it will happen eventually, Shelby will be back to be herself: christian, straight and perfect.

She is garbage comparing to her anyway, with an addict mom, and nothing in the world except her anger. Shelby is too kind, too good, but over all of the things Shelby is, she is afraid, and Toni knows it. There’s no future with Shelby in the real world. There’s no Shelby and Toni out there. It doesn’t matter if here she feels free to kiss her in front of everyone here, they are in a fucking deserted island and the girls won’t tell a thing after they come back to reality.

And even if Shelby would want her out there, she has nothing to offer to her. Only a lot of issues to work on like her anger, her bad manners or her inability to shut up. Why would Shelby want any of that? Toni knows the only reason she keeps up with all of that herself is because she doesn’t really have a choice. Shelby does, though. So she knows this will last as long as it takes someone to get them out of the island. After that, there’s no more Toni and Shelby, no more conversations, no more glances… no more Shelby. 

Going from hating that girl to be so hurt by the idea of losing her. As if she had her in the first place. It’s actually pretty shallow if you put it like that: how can she lose something that she doesn’t even have in the first place?

She hears a crack behind her and jumps at the sound, ready to defend herself, but all she sees is Shelby illuminated by the moonlight.

_\- Hey, I woke up and you weren’t there. Are you okay?_

Toni sits right back, staring at the ocean as she was before, touching the thin grass in front of her, and Shelby sits right next to her.

_\- Yeah, it’s just… I couldn’t sleep, you know… Too much noise inside my head after this day._

_\- Yes… I guess I can relate to that._

Shelby intertwines her hand with Toni’s and rests her head in Toni’s shoulder.

_\- This is nice. Being with you._

Toni doesn’t answer

_\- Hey, Toni… What’s wrong?_

Toni gets up and her tone is kind of angry

- _Just…leave me alone._

Toni starts walking, followed by Shelby.

_\- Toni, come on, don’t leave. What’s wrong?_

Shelby gets to Toni and takes her by the arms, turning her around and forcing her to look at her.

_\- Shelby, can’t you just leave me alone? I don’t want to talk with you!_

_\- Why? What have I done that has you so upset?_

_\- Shelby, go to sleep, fuck off_

Toni starts walking again, towards the other side of the beach. Shelby’s not giving up without a fight, though. She runs after Toni and tackles her, making the both of them fall to the sand.

_\- Shelby, what the fuck!_

Shelby’s on top of her, not letting her move, holding her arms.

_\- Tell me what the fuck is wrong with you? A few hours ago we were just fine_

_\- I don’t think we have ever been ‘’fine’’. Let me go!_

_\- I won’t until you tell me what’s going on_

_\- Why do you care? It’s not as if you cared about me, you are just interested in me because there is nothing better to be interested in, you know it. As soon as we are rescued you are going to pretend as if I didn’t exist._

_-_ _That’s not true!_

Shelby lets Toni go, and Toni quickly gets up and brushes the sand off her shirt. Shelby is on her knees, looking to the sand, and Toni’s not saying a thing.

_\- Well… I… I think I hadn’t thought about it… I mean… Toni…_

Shelby looks up to meet Toni’s eyes, which are filled with tears and she has this sarcastic grin.

_\- Deep down I hoped that maybe you would care enough to pretend as if you weren’t going to forget about me as soon as we get to the real world._

_\- Toni… Don’t mix things up. I am not sure how I would handle this situation in the real world, but even if I decided to go back and pretend it didn’t happen… I would never forget about you, don’t say that. I care about you._

_\- Why? The only reason you have looked in my direction is because you couldn’t look in anybody else’s._

_\- That’s not true. I care about you, I have since the first day I met you, but you kept pushing me apart. And to be able to look in your direction like this… that’s a gift._

Shelby gets up and goes near Toni, her eyes are filled with tears as well. Toni doesn’t move further as Shelby gets closer. Shelby tries to place her hand in Toni’s cheek, but she avoids the touch

 _\- No…_ \- her voice broken by the tears she’s trying to hold back.

 _\- Toni… -_ Shelby tries to hold her hand and once again Toni flinches at the touch

_\- No…Shelby… don’t do this to me…Don’t make me care to then break my heart. We both know I am not good enough, I am not easy, I am not…_

Shelby touches her face and this time Toni lets her. With both her hands, Shelby lifts Toni’s face to look her in the eyes _._

_\- Toni… I am not looking for any of that… I want you… Just you, all of you. I am the one who is not enough. I wish I was._

_-_ _Shelby, you are so perfect… I can’t offer nothing to you._

_-_ _Don’t you get it? You are the only thing that I want, Toni. I am so, so sorry, I can’t promise you what will happen once we get out of here. I wish I could, but how could I? But right here, right now… If you’ll have me I am yours._

Toni’s trying to avoid eye contact with Shelby, trying to swallow the ocean of tears that she feels building inside of her. Shelby lifts her face once more and kisses her.

_\- You said it before… Why should we worry about something that might be good? Please, don’t stop this before it has even started just because of something neither of us can control. We can control this, us. Now, here. That’s all we got. Please, Toni. Let us figure this out step by step._

_\- Do you really want me?_

_\- Of course I do, and I am sorry I can’t give you an answer to what will happen with us out there… But let me give you an answer to what we are, as long as we are here, by being by your side everyday. We’ll figure the rest out, together._

Shelby hugs Toni tight with her arms over her shoulders, and Toni wraps her arms around her waist, resting her head in Shelby’s chest only to hear her heartbeat. For the first time in the night she does no longer hear screams in the night air, she just hears Shelby’s heartbeat, and for a moment, in a deserted island, in the dead of night, everything is just perfect.

_\- I am willing to lose you if that means that I get to have you.-_

_\- We can have each other as long as we want to.-_

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading <3


End file.
